Friday, September 09, 2011

Back to School

I see pictures on the interwebs showing children on their first day of school and I feel gypped. These kids look happy with their backpacks, boarding a big, yellow babysitter. I am home schooled, so I am missing out on the glee that is the first day of school.
The morning after Labor Day is the first day of school in Michigan. The Governor passed a bill that made it so. Apparently, tourism dollars were lost when school started before the holiday.

I don't get it. People are always boarding tour busses to get a glimpse of my home! No matter what day of the year. Of course, I refuse to share those profits with the state, so I guess it makes sense.

The first day of school was terrible for me. First of all, Brach got sick. All over the floor. He was so psyched about the day, he ate his food without chewing. Ass! So, the morning began with The Agent cleaning up his moderately-digested food from the floor. She was not happy. With good reason!

Then I had issues with the flat iron. I thought I had it set on 15, but, as my fur began smoking, I realized it was on 30. Waaaaaay too hot! I needed to look foxy for the first day of school in my own livingroom! After all, paparazzi were lingering to capture my special day.

So, with singed fur, I went downstairs. With a nervous look towards The Agent and a don't-you-dare-say-anything-about-my-hairdo look towards Brach, I was ready to learn.

But, why no big, yellow babysitter? Why couldn't I have a school bus transport me from my bedroom to the livingroom?! The Agent explained that it was not necessary because I wasn't leaving the house.


Of course, I passed my entry exams and of course, I was a star student.

The Agent keeps saying that, by my age, I'm about the 7th grade level. She says she expects shouting matches, crying jags, and slamming of doors as I head into teenager waters.

So to sum up, I singed my hair. Brach horfed. I was resentful that I didn't get luxury, yellow transportation, and my mom started a fight with me that ended in tears and a slammed door.

All in all, it was a good day.

My fur will recover.